I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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