you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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