Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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