garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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