Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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