I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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