when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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