At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize