Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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