call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize