I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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