U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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