I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
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My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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