didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
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He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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