I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Come on in and take your pants off
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