just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
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So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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