meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
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Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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