I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
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she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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