I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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