Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize