my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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