Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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