She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
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IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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