Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
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Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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