So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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