he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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