Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize