if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
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Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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