i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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