I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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