A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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