your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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