apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
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I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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