so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
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