he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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