Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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