dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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