Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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