My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He shit in the fireplace
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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