We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
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I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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