Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
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One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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