When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize