tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize