so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
my liver is dry heaving
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