the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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