I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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