I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm always down for nudity.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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