you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
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I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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