I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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