We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize